The Plural of "Rape" is "Rapes"

***Well, I found this bad boy when I was looking through my MySpace blog (yes I have one, despite the fact that I haven't written in it for such a long time) and it's just a classic discussion --that actually happened, might I add-- so I thought you readers might enjoy seeing the writing style of a younger version of myself***

So I was talkin' to my roommate, see. "Joshua" is what I calls him, although what his real name is, I may never know.

Anyway, I says to him "Yo Joshua, I gots a good hypothetical fors ya."

He responds, "Okay Johnny, let's hear it." Of course, in order to protect my identity, I'll have to replace my real name, which he irresponsibly uses too much, with the more common name, "Johnny".

"Okay, now, let's say 'dat 'da mafia is after yuh family. Unfortunately fuh you though, they's a gay mafia. They put a gun in yuh ugly mug and tells yeh...they tells yeh, 'Yuh got two choices. Either take one incestual rape, or two anal rapes.' Now, yuh gots to choose between 'deze two options."

"Hmm..." is all 'dat Joshua could say at 'dat point. I knows he was worried, he ain't one to typically do well in situations like 'deze. I could see all 'dem cogs toinin' in his head as he tried to find a way outta a situation like 'dis one. I could see 'da light turnin' on though; he had an answer. I had to do somethin' to make it more difficult.

"No, THREE anal rapes." Ha, I got 'im good. His face weren't so happy no more. 'Da cogs get back to toinin'. Eventually, I see 'dat he comes to compromise wit' himself. I had to slam him down again before he gave his answer. "FOUR anal rapes." I held up four uh my best fingers to illustrate my point. His face showed his disappointment once more.

"Does it have to be four rapes? Really?" He asks me 'dis wit' such pleadin' emotion. It was 'den 'dat it hit me.

"Is 'da plural of 'rape', 'rapes'? I feel like I should say 'acts of rape' and not so much just 'rapes'." We debated 'dis major issue. In 'da end we came to consensus, mostly 'cuz my buddy Chang confoimed our results.

"Yeah, it's 'rapes' man. Rapesssssssss, oh yeahhhhh." He says to me over 'da phone after I ask him 'bout 'da woid.

"Well, 'dat case is closed Joshua," I tells him in reference to 'da controversy surrounding how to use 'da plural foim. At 'dis point, Joshua goes back to thinkin' 'bout 'da question. I decide against lettin' him think too much about it. It's a bad topic. "Just forget 'da question Joshua. It ain't sanitary to consider such things."

"Okay, thanks Johnny, I didn't wanna answer it anyway." So then I pulled out my tommy gun and robbed a bank....And 'DAT, my friends, is how I loined to drive.

-- June 13, 2008