Redundancy is so Repetitious

"Where the heck have you been?" you must be asking me. Wow, that's completely and absolutely none of your business. If you must know though, I was out doing things that are completely and unapologetically unproductive.

"How dare you unapologize for your unproductivity that you have allegedly, apparently, and/or possibly lately been committing!" you must be disappointedly, ashamedly, and even a little angrily shaking your head at me. Don't worry avid reader, you won't keep shaking your head at me much longer.

"And why not?" you inquisitively and curiously ask. I got new shoes!! They don't happen to be boots, they are, however, Adidas non-boots. Among friends and family, I have been known to near-exclusively wear black Converse Chuck Taylor All Star high-top non-boots (by near-exclusively, I, of course, mean that I would only wear said black Converse Chuck Taylor All Star high-top non-boots, but sometimes I wouldn't). By making this known, you now understand how big of a step this is for me to now recover and be released from the ridiculously monotonous and cliche prison that was an obviously overwhelming addiction to that particular kind of non-boot. I hope to soon take a picture of these non-boots and post it online so that you, my flatteringly obsessive and awkwardly invasive fans can see them and potentially (I'll cross my fingers) buy them yourselves so you can copy (or "emulate", for those who work in an office and hate copier technology) me and maybe even begin the slow, steady, and (might I add) deliciously disastrous path to becoming another me. With more "me"s out there, I can take over the world with my painful and frighteningly schizophrenic banter (Oh how I do so love that frighteningly schizophrenic banter...It reminds me of my youth that I am currently experiencing on my way to adulthood, which I am also currently experiencing--I'm 20, give me a break).

"Oh muh gosh! I can't let you take over the world!" you virtuously and valiantly vociferate, with vibrantly vocalized vigor. You jump to your feet with a passion that hasn't been seen since the last time you jumped to your feet with this kind of passion and look at this blog with murder in your eyes. This murder, however, is the good kind; the kind of murder that you keep in your eyes to save the world from a multitudinous myriad of one redundant blogger that hopes to take over the world with a multitudinous myriad of his redundant self. It is this kind of murder that we all hope to have in our eyes as we stare down a blog detailing an imminent, inevitable, and most notably, unavoidable event that will most likely occur if we didn't...have it (this kind of murder?) in our eyes.

Ahh!!!! No!! I can feel that murder, this blog is saying as you stare at it with the aforementioned murder. Unfortunately, I am not in any way tied to the feelings of this blog, meaning you can stare at these words with as much murder as you could possibly wish to have in your eyes, and I will not feel a thing because, if you must know, I am not this blog (Ha ha! You weren't expecting THAT curveball, now were you!), rather, this blog is an assembly of letters (and sometimes numbers) that I have put together to inform, enlighten, and even tell you of my dastardly devilish scheme. There is a twist though, **SPOILER ALERT** the scheme isn't actually as real as I would hope that it would be. With that, I would like to leave you so that you can continue to guess and wonder about whether or not the alleged "spoiler" was really a "spoiler" at all, or was it merely a lie to keep you, my loyal readers at bay until I find a better solution to world domination? We'll find out, next time on I Don't Wear Boots! Thanks for watching! Goodnight!

I'm not wearing boots right now, I'm actually not wearing anything on my feet as they are naked. Maybe I should go put on some socks? I don't know, at least there aren't any boots on those things...

2009

I must say, I'm not very good at things like this. Blogs make me nervous.

"Why?", you may find yourself curiously asking. Because they imply such demanding responsibility, that's why.

"Ah, I see, he does have a pretty good point. Plus, if he starts writing a blog, that means he has to keep writing in it. Yeah, I understand this guy," you might think to yourself.

I mean, if I start writing in a blog, that means that I have to keep writing in it. Can you, the reader (who may very well turn out to be just me anyway), understand that?

"Yeah, I do understand that. In fact, I already thought that same thing earlier in my reading of this blog," you are probably saying, possibly even aloud.

If I don't, then I begin to let down all of my zero fans, which, don't worry, I love each and every one of you.

"Good," I bet you thought at the reading of that last comment.

Not only that though, I just don't seem to know what exactly to blog about, nor do I know how to go about blogging about that mysterious topic that I am currently unaware of. Should I blog about the world news? Should I blog about funny stories I read online? Should I blog about my friends and family? Next, should I blog using a conversational style? Should I lay everything out like a newspaper?

"Those were several questions you just asked!" you just shouted at the computer. Yes, yes they were, and that's the problem.

"Hey, why is this guy putting so many words in my mouth? I'm positive that I didn't think all of the things he thinks that I'm thinking and 'slash' or saying aloud and 'slash' or to myself!" you're undoubtedly angrily contemplating right now.

Don't worry loyal reader, that is completely okay that you are angry. I know that you may not have thought or said those things, that's why I made sure to use words like "probably" or "might" or even "may". I know that towards the end I began being a little more confident in my description of your actions "slash" thoughts, but that just comes with the blog, get used to it.

"Pff, no way, you can't tell me what to do!" you just said. Yes I can, and I will continue to do so. If you still believe that it is not necessarily within my rights to do this...I don't think I want to stumble into a legal debate at this point, so uh.........Happy New Year!

"Aw, thanks for wishing me that happy new year. I really appreciate the fact that you want my new year to be happy," you must be pushing through your immense appreciative smile. Yes, it is true, I do, indeed, want your new year to be happy. I can only hope that I can keep this up. What's that word that I want to say that describes when someone wants to do something with the new year?

"Resolution," you just helpfully whispered in my ear as to avoid embarrassing me in front of my fans who are also you. Thanks, and yes, it will be my new year's resolution to keep up with this blog. Let's hope that this relationship between my blog and I will last.

"Don't you care about the relationship between you and I?" you are wondering.

Yes.

I'm not wearing boots right now, in fact I'm just wearing socks, which, again, as we all know, are not boots. Goodnight!