Late Publication: It's Easier to Understand if You Pretend That You're Reading This Yesterday at 4:00 am

I didn't feel very well yesterday, er, today, er, the day that ended a little over four hours ago. I literally spent the entire day (actually, just "most" of it) laying in bed, hoping to eventually feel better than I was feeling at the time. As it turns out, this wasn't the best plan of action (not that I ever have plans of action, which, in context, would make this, indeed, my best plan of action by default due to that fact). I ended up feeling worse because what else can you do as you are laying in bed besides sleep (please assume in this situation that you are A, single and alone, and B, filled with enough hours of sleep to last for three days)?

Think!

"What's wrong with thinking?" you may or may not (you probably are) be asking yourself. I will tell you what is wrong with thinking and it is this that I will type after the colon which will, as it should, follow these words you are currently reading:

I have been working very hard at not thinking for the past month and a half.

This means that as I laid there and thought, I was taking several steps backward in my dance of progress. In a single day, I had undone months (a month and half, sorry, I like to exaggerate) of hard, thoughtless work! Furthermore, to better understand why thinking itself was somewhat a horrid (just slightly "bad" really, again, exaggeration rears its ugly head) process for me, we (er, you) must realize that the primary reason I was in bed in the first place (second place? no, wait, yeah the first place) was because I was suffering from a terrible (yeah actually) migraine. You may be asking yourself, "Why would someone as awesome and great as the guy with the username 'SweatyBootsStink' have to deal with migraines?" Let me tell you the answer (just make sure you don't believe what I am about to say because I actually have no idea...I'm terrible at understanding the human body, particularly the mind) because I know exactly what happened seeing as how I'm a real genius when it comes to understanding the human body, particularly the mind.

So what happened is that when I was being born, my mind was slowly forming as my brain began to take shape. Unfortunately though, my mind, which is in my brain, was growing way too quickly and too much for my brain. This was bad for my brain. Eventually, my mind was far too big and expanded for my brain to handle so my brain said "Hey you Mr. Mind! Stop this! You're making me ache!" and Mr. Mind said "Shut up you fool! Don't you realize that I'm the mind and I'm super important and if I don't keep growing then I won't reach my full potential to be a great mind?" Mr. Brain said "Ouch! This hurts!" So then I had a migraine when I was being born too, and it would just happen all the time because my mind is bigger than what is supposed to fit in my brain and it just hurts and I feel sick too and Mr. Brain was still talking to Mr. Mind and...uh...he said "Mr. Mind............I"..........Okay, that's enough of this story for now. The point is that I get headaches every now and then just like other people, even though I'm better than them (this was hyperbole at it's utter worst as you can undoubtedly see by the ridiculously elementary and appallingly childish nature of what was supposed to be a scientific and biological explanation pertaining to the occurrences of migraines in humans--even the organization could have been better planned by a monkey with five minutes and a keyboard...I sincerely apologize on behalf of the writer outside these parentheses).

Oh, I feel better now, by the way. Check back at how I feel next time on I Don't Wear Boots! Thanks for being a part of the boots craze, avid readers!

What am I wearing now? Socks. Yes, you're welcome, I wasn't actually going to mention it, but...well I suppose that I just did. Goodnight!